I have this feeling that I have a million things to tell you. But then I sit down to write and I don’t know what to say.
So I’ll start at the part where I confessed sin and laid down a weight-a rock, an anvil- I was not meant to carry. I was listening to a podcast and they simply said, “Confess. Live in the light.” And I had this yearning, because that is the life I was made for.
So over cucumbers and feta I bared my anxious and tired heart. Then I was free. I was hugged and loved and prayed over. And this should always be our response when someone confesses sin to us with the desire to be rid and free of it.
This is a part of living this life. A big part. Confessing and being someone that people can confess to.
I thought I was fine just keeping it to myself. And maybe I was fine. But Halle-freaking-lu-Lah, He wants more than fine for us.
I wrote this that night:
Free free free. If the son has set you free then you are free. Live in the light because it’s the sweetest place I’ve ever encountered. My heart is longing to be sin free so I act like I am rather than bringing it to the light. I am so confident in the grace of Jesus that I confess. That’s what confession says. I don’t have to do this. I don’t have to act like I’m sinless. I’ve been perfected. Oh MY GOD I’m free. He is so good to call my sin to his precious light and destroy the sickening power it had on me for YEARS and YEARS.
Jesus- you are enough. You are all. You are all. I’ll forever trust you.
I don’t know if there is a way to experience the Gospel more viscerally than this. That night as I lay down to sleep I felt His presence on me and covered my face with relief. We don’t have to be sinless. We only have to be open to lay it down, air it out and the power it has on us is gone and in its place there is a presence of Grace flooding down on us as we wake, as we sleep.
Listen. There is a lie in your head that you can’t tell anyone your sin because it’s too much. It will hurt, it will ruin, it will damage. No. Trust the truth of the Gospel, you are already perfected. Trust the grace of Jesus (that did what the Law could not) to lay it out. Not to everyone, perhaps, or just anyone. But to someone that knows you and loves Jesus.
It is a mysterious thing that He asks of us, this confessing of sins. I’ve always thought He had a checklist for us to do: confess, repent, read Scripture, etc. But I’m learning that He asks this of us for our good. He asks for confession not to shame us, but to free us.
He is not desperate, I don’t think, for us to do the checklist to “keep Him happy”, but He is, I believe, desperate to fulfill deep longings that we have and to flood us with good.
Go live in the Light and be free, sweet heart.