It’s only a minute into 2019 and I’ve already come to the conclusion that it’s the same shiz, different year. I didn’t like 2018. I didn’t like having an appendectomy the same weekend Bera had her first ER visit. I didn’t like Mrs. D dying. I didn’t like having anxiety. I really didn’t like having another […]
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free while getting free
I stopped at the corner of Smith and Dean (because the stoplight told me to) where the buildings are low and the sun can reach us humans. I used to hate that about Brooklyn. I looked south and I had this sense that I will be free. Maybe I am even free while getting free. […]
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New York
New York is never neutral in how it makes you feel. New York can’t be forever Unless you are a structure made of steel. I suppose I became a woman in New York How, I’m not sure– Slowly, quietly– Through mouth pain, survival mode and Brain and body and heart ripped. I’ve learned to tell […]
but–oh!–what I do have
The period of waiting for this period to be over is still not over. We wait, we wonder, we maybe even hope that eventually things will click into place. A job that doesn’t suck the life out of my husband. That’s a big one. The biggest one right now. And, yep, I still catch myself […]
Gospel
I wrote this a few months ago and wanted to share now. I’m sleeping through the night every night. I’m in a different place, but I don’t want to forget these things that were taught to my fragile, tired heart. *** Maybe if I just keep going. Maybe if I just keep living this […]
He loves me, he loves me not
At the end of 2016 I had a light feeling when I thought of the next year. 2017. This is going to be fantastic and hard. But hard in a good way. It’s really just been annoying. (That excludes any beach time. And Bera turning two.) I just got back from the hospital for appendicitis. […]
the blossoms of routine
I’ve always hated people that say they are addicted to exercise or any other thing that I considered a burden and a chore and an unpleasant necessity of life. (OK, not HATED them, but definitely could not relate.) And I still can’t relate. Scripture is a chore, prayer a task, exercise a burden. My natural […]
better than bookshelves by the sea
I’ve caught myself wishing for things to be different. I’ve looked for places to live online in San Diego, Miami, Charleston and Galveston, Texas. Seriously, I’ve wasted precious nap-time hours on zillow or trulia for a peek into a hypothetical new life for us. Because, if I had a washer and dryer and more windows […]
A world without dust
I don’t know if it’s just PMS (never a great way to start a blog post) but lately I have had moments when the heaviness of life weighs down on me to a degree I’ve never felt before. The weather is gorgeous and I can literally hear birds chirping and life is beautiful, right? Yes, […]
The fear and the peace
I always do this. I wait forever to blog until I finally sit down in front of an empty screen with too much to say. It’s been intense. Maybe. A little bit. I’ve tried to rip a towel in half at four a.m. one morning and I’ve had silent screams in the shower. (Why are […]